Didn't say I love you yet
by xepherXIII
Summary: Dust has been avoiding Hard lately, and of course, Hard has to know why...but is he ready for the truth? Yaoi. Dust X Hard.
1. Heaven's not enough

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Dust X Hard

A/N: Hi, I just wanted to write this, 'specially when I noticed someone added Heaven's love to the category section. So without further ado, here we go!

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Prologue: Heaven's not enough

It always hits him, hard and fast, when Hard unleashes his rage. It's not that he can't deal with it. He's used to it. But sometimes…it gets old. Really, really fast.

"An' do you know what that frickin' prick who's hangin' around my brother said!"

"No, no I don't."

"Well he said-"

Typical. Dust tunes him out right then. When Hard's mad, it's not that he wants someone to listen. It's more that he just wants to get it out. He'd talk to a wall if he had too. He doesn't want answers. He just wants to vent.

So Dust lets him.

"Are you finished yet?"

Hard stops in the middle of his tirade and turned blinking at him for a few seconds. "Uh huh, I think…so."

Hard was quiet for a little while longer.

"Shower time. Order some Chinese, will ya Dust…"

And Dust watches Hard as he stretches his long limbs and heads toward the bathroom. "The clothes are in the usual place."

"Hn."

Dust felt a grin spread on his face. It was so like Hard to just storm in and-ah. More cleaning for him. Damn.

He doesn't waste time ordering the food. Faster they eat, faster they have fun. It's the way they work, he thinks. It works for them.

And they don't give a damn what others think.

So Dust begins to wonder, why is it that Hard always comes back to him? How exactly does he feel about him?

He blocks out the thoughts. It's nothing to worry about right…

Hard came out the shower then, wet n' fresh.

Definitely nothing to worry about.

"Foods here." Dust announces liking the way Hard finger combs his hair. How it got that long he'd never know but damn…

"Looking good." He grins.

"I'm a model. What do you expect?"

"Oh, nothin' much. Chow time."

"Yeah."

They eat in silence and Hard watches Dust, for no reason. Dust is smiling now, and that makes him feel…something. He grips his soda can tightly with a satisfying crunch.

Feelings, feelings, feelings…so damn confusing!

Dust looks at him then and he turns away a small blush on his face and crushes the can a bit more. No makin' sense of these confusin' feelings…

"Ready?"

"Huh? Sure."

Dust lead Hard to the bedroom, they know what they're doing, what they're going to do, and it seems natural to them.

Outside there's fighting, fires, stabbing. Outside there's laughter, glass shattering, madness.

He's not outside.

Right now, there's no voices, no sounds-other than ragged breathing, hard thrusts, soft cries.

It fills the silent room.

Hard's aware of his heartbeat, scarily so even, the way it threatens to burst and stop altogether. How it doesn't stop even after five minutes, it just goes on and on and it scares him, intrigues him, comforts him. In a way he never knew it had. It makes him feel alive.

Breathing.

Shuddering.

So fucking alive.

There's even more than that though, there's the sudden jolt that spikes through him, spreading, spreading wild fire.

It's intense, it's painful, it's everything and more as he reaches the spiral's end. Like the milky way galaxy he just went deeper, deeper, deeper, into the center.

It pulls him in, shivering and hard, and then there's light all around him, filling him, taking him, completing him. White heat surges. He's close but not there yet he can feel it, the strong tide that threatens to overtake him, suddenly, quickly, strongly.

Hard and Dust come at the same time.

At the intensity of their release, Hard almost thinks his heart will stop right then, he can't help the scream, can't help the sob of Dust's name.

Dust is feeling nothing and everything, something as he's pulled in deeper than he thought it would be. It gets impossibly hotter, bursting, fire, fire, fire exploding.

It takes a few minutes for them to come off from their high, brains happily turned to mush, arms around each other, breathing.

Between them the fire never goes out, it just dims and right now there's a feeling of warmth and content, like curling up in front of a fireplace.

It's always between them, growing fast, something that has a name.

Love. But Hard wouldn't know that.

Dust pushes it away again. He's content, to have the one he loves in his arms like this, calm, gentle, sated.

It was like heaven.

But was that really enough?

He plays with Hard's silver strands gently turning them between his fingers, gray silk in his palm.

Hard was everything he'd always wanted, dreamed of, more. More, more, more than he'd ever prayed for.

He hated himself for that. For not thinking it was enough. This! This was the way he'd always wanted it to be, so burnt out he didn't want to get up, so in love that he could just watch Hard forever.

He was selfish. Damn selfish.

So selfish that this wasn't possibly enough.

No. Never enough.

The familiarity of his room, the scent that lingered from previous activities, knowing that his love was his.

It wasn't nearly enough.

Dust sat up then, stroking a few of Hard's strands back into place. His heartaches, and he feels the need to clear his head.

He gets out of bed-something he never would've done before; leaves a note. It hurts him to leave there, hurts him to stay, but he's going out for a little while either way, both options painful.

In a weird way, he feels like it was a one-night stand. It's not of course. It just somehow feels that way. After all, he is the only one in love.

Hard probably doesn't know.

He's walking down a crowded street, cool and collected, as if he hadn't just been laid. Dust listens to the song that comes from the big TV screen in the middle of the street, comforted.

'_Everybody! Put up your hands, say I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love…_'

Dust wants to deny it, but right now, love sucks. His feelings aren't really returned.

So he just listens, no thoughts.

Hard wakes up about an hour later, instinctively looking for missing warmth. The water's not running so Dust couldn't possibly be in the shower. There's nothing cooking, so he's not in the kitchen…so where the heck was he?

Hard gets up, peeling back the sheets and wincing at the pain-damn it hurt-and searching around the apartment.

There's no sign of Dust, of life other than him.

Fuck.

He takes another shower, quickly, throwing on his clothes carelessly, not bothering with his hair.

He was gonna find that bastard Dust if it was the last thing he did. There could be an earthquake for all he cared, he had one goal in mind and he was going to find him.

Hard almost breaks the door down before he notices a note on the door.

'Hard, I'm telling you right now, please don't kick my door down-'

He snorted.

'I'm going out for a bit, be back in maybe two hours, you don't have to wait up for me-'

Hard can't believe what he was seeing who did he think he was writin' to?

'I'm probably going to be busy anyway.'

Does this mean he's a nuisance?

'Lots of love, Dust.'

Hard blinked at it. Love, love, love….love?

He wracks his brain trying to find a definition for it, a meaning.

Love was just not a word in his dictionary.

Now while he'd heard Dust tell it to him before, there was always the fact that-

He didn't even know what love was.

Dammit.

He'd just have to find out.

Then he flipped over the paper. 'Heaven's not enough.'

What the in the seven hells did that mean?

Dust barely opened the door when he saw an enraged Hard beating his microwave. There was a familiar sense of growing dread.

"Hard, what is it this time.."

"It fried my burrito. What the hell do you think happened?" He grumbled.

"What setting did you put on?"

"Setting?"

"Yeah."

"…dunno. Bake?"

Dust slapped his forehead. "You should've put it on 'frozen food'"

"Ah."

It was silent for a few moments as Dust waited to see what Hard would do next.

"Not my fault."

Why was Dust not surprised?

"Oi. I wanted to ask you. What does it mean by 'heaven's not enough'?"

Dust froze then, silent for a second. He gulped, swallowed rough. "It's just a new song idea. I just had to write it down."

"On a note that could've been thrown away?"

"It was the closest thing at the time."

Hard turned to him, ready to continue the debate. His phone beat him to it.

"Cry! What's up…" Dust breathed a sigh of relief. He'd have to thank Cry later.

"Looks like I gotta go. But this isn't over." Hard pointed, shutting the door –amazingly-softly.

Dust watched him with a smile that quickly faded. He hadn't forgotten about earlier. About love, of being loved, of heaven.

And heaven just didn't seem to be enough. Not anymore.

No, no, no, no, no…

It never had been.

Really,

Heaven just wasn't enough.

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Song used: Dance floor anthem by Good Charlotte

I hope this wasn't too OOC. Please review and tell me if you thought so or not. I plan for this to be at least ten chapters long if I can, so it'll take a while for them to get back together.

Thanks for reading. *bows*


	2. Nervous Breakdown

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Dust X Hard

A/N: Hello again, big thanks to Amatsu for reviewing.

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Hard was still pissed off and the sudden call wasn't helping either. How could that stupid muscle head let his little Cry get sick?! The nerve! Oi, when he saw that bastard he was gonna kick his sorry ass!

Hard walked agitated, annoyed, and overall just ready to kill someone. He gave off a fierce vibe, like a wild tiger when it roared, not to be messed with.

His mood was certainly not a good one, and he was showing it. He'd never been afraid to show anything—to do anything—and he wasn't starting now.

What he didn't understand Dust, why he was suddenly acting strange (after such great sex too)? Why he was suddenly…distant? Was that the word? Sheesh, he needed to get out more…or somethin'…buy himself a thesaurus…

Hard could still remember the look on Dust's face when he'd asked about what was written on the paper. Like he didn't want to him to know.

He'd find out.

Rusty Dusty—he didn't even know just how much he affected Hard did he.

For the idiots who fought him it could mean getting off with a black eye…or a one-way ticket to the hospital.

For people who tried pick up lines on him it could mean the ever polite 'fuck no', emphasized with the middle finger or a cuss out with insults and threats.

All because of Dust.

Now Hard had to figure out what the hell was happenin' with Dust. He was going to make it right. Some freakin' way. Some freakin' how. Soon.

He didn't want to know exactly what was wrong, because if he did, what could he do? He had a hard enough time trying to keep himself from falling apart. But wasn't that what Dust did?

Dust…could hold him in place, shatter him…

Save him.

He knew that right?

No, the idiot probably didn't.

Hard opened the door to his apartment, looking around and inspecting his home. Thinking on it now, it'd been a while…

"Cry? What up?"

"Er, actually, Cry's down with a fever." Sig explained looking nervous, head popping out from the hallway. Fucking pansy. Couldn't even face him like a man. "I thought you'd want to know."

"Damn straight."

The look Hard fixed him with then was downright murderous. And he still hadn't come out of hiding. Sig cursed bad timing and his unzipped pants. He knew what his sisters would say; he was an idiot, downright pathetic…

But this guy was way scarier than all his angry, manly broad of sisters put together. He was—

Dangerous.

"How'd he get sick?"

"At school we were doing a lab. Our teacher said he'd end up with a sore throat but thanks to overworking himself studying, he got a fever too."

Hard wanted to blame Sig. He did. But Cry wouldn't like that. A sigh. His eyes didn't hold the same murderous glint as before but he still managed to look like a predator.

"He's in his room?"

"Yeah. But, oh don't go in there! I'll get him!" Sig warned, running off. He was relieved to not to have to face the wrath of Cry's older brother. And if Hard went into the room, he'd definitely go off at him.

Don't.

Go.

In.

There?

It was his fucking apartment! Cry came out a second later.

"Hard! Hi, what's happenin—"

Hard pounced on him right then, tackling him to the couch and showering him with kisses to his face and neck. Sig came out then and the singer glared right at him, still delivering feather light kisses. Cry laughed nervously, it tickled and well…

Considering what happened last time(1)…

Cry pushed his brother off with an apologetic smile, making Sig sigh in relief as Hard gave his own version of a pout. For brothers, they didn't look very alike, Hard with intense, piercing eyes, and Cry with large innocent ones.

Nothing alike.

"So, what's up? How are things with Dust and the band?" Cry asked trying his hardest to lighten the atmosphere.

Hard stared at him intently. "You don't look very sick for someone with a fever. In fact I'd say you're…glowing."

Both Cry and Sig took big gulp things, unsure of what to say. The truth, or…

The singer didn't wait for a reply. "Dust…" he stopped right there. He didn't want to think about that guy, right now, not when he was feeling a bit happier.

"The band's doing good. How's school going for you two?"

At the mention of 'you two', Cry read into it as Hard finally accepting Sig. It was definitely a great day!

"Everything's been going great. I've been accepted into an art college near here, and Sig is going to a military school that's only a block away."

"Hn. That sounds good. But why won't you be a model with me?"

It was something Hard had been pestering Cry with for a while now. "I told you, I don't like all the flashing lights or cameras."

"But together we could be unstoppable!" He said grabbing Cry around the shoulder as his other arm pointed randomly. "We'd take the world by storm!"

Cry sighed. He'd thought Hard was finally accepting Sig, but no. No, he was just as…protective as ever.

"Nope. Anyways—"

Hard's phone rang then. He was beginning to wonder why he bought the damn thing. He picked it up, annoyed. It had better be something important.

"Yo, Hard~"

He didn't know exactly what to think. It was Khaki, the band member who always wore that damn beanie Honey had given him for some reason. "Khaki…what is it?"

"We need to discuss our next few singles for the new album. And also, we have a concert in twenty minutes, so if you could kindly drag your ass down here?"

"Consider it dragged. I'll be there in five minutes." He flipped his phone off. Turned to Cry and Sig.

"I've gotta get going. Concert's at the usual place." He said hugging Cry and kissing his forehead. He turned to Sig. "Keep him out of trouble."

And with that, he walked out closing the door behind him.

Sig turned to Cry. "He still hates me, huh?"

Cry shrugged grinning. "I don't know. In fact, I'd say he kind of likes you. We've got to be off soon…but we still have a bit of time…"

Sig picked up on the trail instantly picking Cry up. "Well, we'll just have to hurry won't we?"

--

Hard, true to his word, arrived in five minutes, a little surprised to see Dust sitting down and drinking before a concert.

"Hey." Dust murmured.

"Hey yourself." Hard snapped, not really intending to sound so angry. "You never explained what you meant earlier."

He sat down next to Dust.

"Here, why don't you have a drink?" Dust asked.

"You're the one who said it's not good to get drunk before a concert."

Dust actually gave a small smile. "I said no such thing."

Hard felt the tension ease just a bit. "Huh! We both know you're lying!"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Not."

Honey came in with Khaki a few minutes later. And loudly, intentionally said. "Is he…or isn't he?*"

Hard glared at her. "You pickin' a fight?"

"No, no, not at all…I'm just sayin'. Anyway boys, we need to get on stage now."

Dust and Hard nodded getting up. Hard bumped Dust's elbow lightly on purpose, receiving a smile then.

Maybe…he'd only been imagining the distance between them. It wasn't possible, it wasn't true, it wasn't, and it wasn't.

It had just been a bad dream…yeah, that's the ticket…

Hard scanned the crowd and he was happy to see Cry's face, and (grudgingly) that he was being protected by the muscle head. It was like a storm had just passed, or something…

Dust was back to normal, and life would go on like it always did. Maybe they'd be drinking tonight. Yeah, and after drinking they'd go tag some sorry ass building with their special signature.

Sometimes…Dust seemed just so unattainable…and he was so close…

Damn clichés! But,

How much did he really know about his…lover?

Hard growled to quietly, seething, right before the lights came on. Since when had he turned into such a damn sap!

It wasn't normal, so freakin' unlike him! Ugh…

The first thing he heard was the bass string. Everything after that was a blank. No, not a blank but…he can't describe it. It's just not something so easily said. The feeling of energy, madness,

Screaming.

That he could do again and again.

At the end of the concert, Dust was, oddly, in a strangely good mood. Hard suspected it was from the drinking he was doing earlier. Dust took his band mates out for more drinks—even held Hard's hand the whole way there.

'Strange.' Hard thought. He didn't say it, though, because he didn't mean it. It was sort of nice.

The bar was pretty empty and well, that was the way they liked it. Dust was in an insanely good mood now; he was starting to feel Hard up. Right in front of their band mates.

Hard did not take this kindly.

A vicious punch brought the high-strung Dust back to cruel reality.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Er, sorry…didn't mean to that…"

"Like hell you did! Show some decency dammit."

"Yeah, sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

Honey was the first to speak after the momentary awkward silence. "What are we doing just sitting here? Let's get drunk!"

Khaki lifted his beer mug high in the air. "I second that notion! Let there be drinking."

So they all drank. Hard limiting Dust's intake, as he was still a bit drunk. It was the first time he'd done something like this that wasn't for Cry. It was weird. But looking out for Dust wasn't bad, he supposed.

In the end, Hard had been the only one not drunk. After escorting Honey and Khaki home, he and Dust went to his place. Cry was at school anyway.

He set the guitarist on the couch before heading to the shower.

In all his years, he'd never really done stuff like this. Yeah, he was starting to…what did Cry call it? Caring.

That must be it. He stepped out the shower, walked to the kitchen.

"Hard?"

He turned at the call of his name. "Dust what's up?"

"Think you could get me some ice? Maybe a drink?"

"Whaddya need ice—"He cut himself off then. Oh, he remembers now…back at the bar he'd punched Dust…

"Coming right up." He said, guiltily. You're not really supposed to hurt the ones you care for…but then again, there was that one time Dust had hit him when he saved him(2)…

"Huh." In Hard's head, they were equal. Yep, yep.

He hurried for once in his life, getting a pack of ice and a cup of soda. Probably not the best damn thing, but it would have to do…

"Here."

"Thanks."

Dust drank his soda gratefully, turning the tv on. "So…you wanna talk."

Hard gave him a glare. "You just turned it on."

"I can turn it off."

"Does that even make sense?"

"No…I guess not. But really, anything on your mind Hard? You shouldn't keep things to yourself all the time." He sipped his soda. "Not good."

Hard felt anger rise up in him.

"Right back at you! I don't even feel like I know a single fucking thing about you! I don't know, I don't know!"

Dust stared at him in surprise. He took that as a cue to keep going. He wanted-needed-to get it out.

"What's your life been like? Did you have a happy child-hood? Are your parents alive? Do they even like you? You know all this shit about me—but I know zero to nothing about you."

"Yeah, that's true." Dust agreed. "But you don't need to worry. I'm the one who said I'd take care of you. So don't go banging your pretty head on the wall over me okay?"

Hard was relieved, but at the same time, he'd felt like he'd lost something. He walked over to where Dust was sitting, resting his head on the other's lap and holding onto him.

"Hey Dust?"

"Yeah?" Dust asked smiling at him. Gently.

It made his heart hurt.

"You know…that I care about you right?"

Dust was pleasantly surprised at this weird mood Hard was in. "I know."

Hard closed his eyes. "Good."

Because,

_'I know how to satisfy,_

_I know you want me tonight,_

_Never show me what's inside,_

_You cause my nervous breakdown.'_

Yeah...Dust, you could...you do.

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(1)-Reference to the manga. Chapter...2, I think

(2)-Another Reference. This one in chapter 5.

*'Is he...or isn't he' just an indirect way of saying someone's gay. I think Honey and Khaki are probably aware of the other's relationship. And I suspect they are together themselves.

Song used: Nervous breakdown by Abingdon Boys School Why? This song really suits this pairing. Because Hard, while he has intense feelings, can be pretty dense at times.

Looking at it now, it'll probably be five chapters (in total) with an extra featuring Cry and Sig (because it's fun). Okay, now I'm pretty damn sure Hard's ooc in this but...I'm trying my best. So please kindly stick with me!

Thanks for reading. *bows*


	3. Notice

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Dust X Hard

A/N: Hello again, big thanks to Amatsu for reviewing.

* * *

Not an update, sorry! My schedule is jam packed and I haven't had any quiet time to sit down and write.

So, because of this schedule build up, I am sad to say it will not be updated in three weeks. But when it is updated, it'll be longer than usual.

So please stick with me.

On a lighter note though, here's a preview of next week's chapter:

_He wished Hard wouldn't say that. That he cared._

_Because even though he knew Hard was there, a big chunk of his heart had gone missing. He felt hollow almost. He tried shutting out the thoughts, many times, but it just never worked, so instead he'd shut out Hard._

_And everything went down hill from there._

_The last official sighting of Dust had been 1 a.m. Tuesday, two weeks earlier, walking out of a bar with some blond woman._

And that's all for now. I hope to see you soon!


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